post fgs times

friday, 22nd of March, Tainan

realizing how much I didn't realize how instagram makes me feel like I'm not doing enough and not seeing the best that's out there.

welcome back. This is my first post after completing my four weeks of volunteering at the buddhist monastery of Fo Guang Shan (fgs) in Taiwan and somehow I feel like writing in english. Honestly it's difficult these days to find my german tongue sometimes. I hope to get back to it. I'm learning to really enjoy and value my native language.

In the days leading up to my departure of fgs I often felt scared. Scared of losing what I gained. Worried about forgetting all that I had learned. Unwilling to go back to where I was. Please, please, please let me have changed enough and changed so much that I think and live differently know.

Thoughts coming from a place of fear. We all know them.

Today's the third day out of the monastery. Things feel different, I feel different, thoughts are different. I am beyond relieved that this is the case. At the same time I also know that not every trouble and worry has disappeared and I'm noticing that it takes work and effort to keep the good things alive.

Oh, just how fast I trip and fall into the pool of possibilities, leaving me feel like I again missed a step on the ladder, not quite reaching where others reach. As I mentioned, instagram is surprisingly not a help with that.

But now I know more what this is about. Or, put differently, I realized how to avoid falling into that mind trap because I know what put me there in the first place.

I'm not able to shield myself from all influences of the external world and I shouldn't do it anyway. What is needed is to find the middle path. A way in which I can be open to ideas and inspiration while not feeling insufficient with the place I'm at.

I think that I also learned how to do that.

I wrote about it in my last article. It's the Genügsmakeit, the being content with what I have. This doesn't mean I'm not striving for more in life or will stop travelling because "this here is everything I need".

It's more standing a 100% behind my decision to be here, being a 100% content with the door I opened.

If an idea or an inspiration from the outside starts to make me feel unhappy with my situation, then I know that I have to change something. This feeling comes from an unmet need.

That's why this morning a video of an Indian mountain range in the clouds made me feel envious: I miss nature and the pure beauty of it. But instead of feeling unhappy with where I am now, I'll rather take it as a prompt, a Anhaltspunkt to notice what it is I'm missing in life right now.

Good that I already knew that a few days ago and booked a trip to the taiwanese mountains!

I guess you can see a few learnings from my time at fgs in this text. I got to know myself better in the way that I better know how to deal with conflicting thoughts. I know that it's the balance that keeps me in a place of contentment and I have gained tools that teach me how to regain that balance.

And honestly: it all comes down to being in the now.

Waking up and not comparing to what was yesterday, not stressing about later or tomorrow.

Really truly being in the moment. Sometimes even being aware of seconds passing by.

Because this time will not come again.

Some mornings may be cloudy, some may be fresh and bright like a spring day. All of them are there to teach you something. The cloudiness of this particular morning has called me for some introspection. It is why these words now find their way out of my head and all the way to you, wherever you sit reading this.

If I stick to that, I'm fine. I hope you are too.